Letting go of control

The title really says it all. I've struggled with this topic my whole life. To many I'm sure I seem so in control, and for the most part I am. What would my life look like if I didn't have to be in control? That is a question I'm not sure I'd know what that would feel or look like.

For as long as I can remember I've been in control. I've had to do everything and learn from everything. I never thought I could have what I truly wanted without being in control. What is control really about? Why does one control things?

For me I feel like I was taught this behavior. Take control so you make sure you get what you need done and have it done the right way. What a horrible way to live and think. I don't want control anymore. I've worked really hard on just being in the moment, doing what feels good to me and not doing what's normal anymore. This will take much more time to overcome. So far it's made my life alot easier and relaxing. I'm looking forward to the unknown future. Let's all get out of control together!!

With time there comes growth

I sit here tonight under the help of a very close friend who tells me I need to rest.... Those who really know me, know I don't sit still. Not because I don't want to its just because I like doing. Its been a few years since I've blogged but I think its time I do it again. My life has changed, I have changed.

I'm now 41. I own a home, and have a beautiful daughter who's amazing. I have a great job that offers me opportunities to grow, learn, and relax a bit. I recently graduated with my Bachelor's Degree which had been a goal of mine to complete. I have amazing friends, a family that truly supports me and only wants the best for me. Life is different now then it has been. Just as busy as its ever been.

I feel more centered now. I am more independent and strong. Its taken a while for me to get to this place. Lots of hard work, sleepless nights, and fears faced head on. I don't always feel so centered but I now have the tools I need to help myself when that does happen. I am proud of myself. I did it. I continue to do it. Its not easy and I'm not perfect but I now know that's okay too.

Life has definitely changed me, and I wouldn't change my life. This is the journey I was chosen to live and if my life continues how it has I know it will continue to be an amazing one. I look forward to blogging more. I have more to give and more to grow.